85 People Pleasing, Guilt & Family Expectations: How to Choose What You Actually Want

Episode 85: People Pleasing, Guilt & Family Expectations: How to Choose What You Actually Want

How often do you make yourself uncomfortable because the alternative would make someone else uncomfortable?

You go because your mother expects you to. You stay because the children enjoy it. You say yes because saying no would disappoint someone. You continue traditions because that is simply what your family has always done.

And somewhere along the way, your own experience disappears from the equation.

In this episode of Simply Well and Beyond, I explore the difference between consciously choosing to do something for someone you love — and living according to old rules about what a “good” daughter, mother, wife or sister is supposed to do.

Someone else being disappointed does not automatically mean you have made the wrong decision.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why so many women learn early to be agreeable, considerate and “easy”

• How childhood rules such as “don’t upset them” can continue running your adult life

• Family expectations around Christmas, holidays and traditions

• Why another person’s disappointment does not automatically mean you should change your decision

• The difference between love and obligation

• The difference between consciously choosing discomfort and believing you have no choice

• Why “I have to,” “I should,” and “they expect me to” are worth paying attention to

• People pleasing, guilt and fear of disappointing others

• Why feeling guilty does not necessarily mean you have done something wrong

• How to discover what you actually want before automatically accommodating everyone else

A question to take away

Ask yourself:

If nobody was disappointed by my decision, what would I actually choose?

You may still decide to go.
You may still decide to help.
You may still decide that someone else’s needs matter more to you in that particular situation.

But first, give yourself permission to recognise that it is a choice.

You do not have to become the most important person in every room.

But you are allowed to be one of the people whose needs, preferences and comfort count.

Share this episode

If someone came to mind while you were listening — a friend, sister or woman who constantly makes herself uncomfortable so everyone else can be comfortable — send her this episode.

Sometimes one question is enough to help us see a pattern we have been living inside for years.